The Switch

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!! 

Oh Monday how you always seems to sneak up on us, why must you always come so quickly. I figured this week I would give Anne a break and give you all a small glimpse inside my mind, so here buckle up, ready or not here we go.

Since the release of this blog and website so many of our friends and family have come out and expressed their support for us. This makes me incredibly happy, I don’t think I ever had a concern about needing anyone’s “approval” necessarily, I just have a hard time seeing myself becoming a mother. A lot of this could be because I’m almost 30 and telling my amazing wife I’m getting a new light saber or some kind of Star Wars toy on almost a daily basis. But our therapist Savannah says this is mostly because I won’t be the carrier of this tiny human, so everything I’m feeling is totally normal. Phew! More toys for me… for now. 

Not being the carrier of this tiny human scares the crap out of me sometimes. I worry about having a connection with the baby, when they get older will they listen to me, will they like Star Wars? These are all things of course that will come naturally its silly to think the baby won’t have a connection to me or won’t listen but sometimes doubts and fears get the best of me, enter Anne, Finn and Savannah.

We have all been going to therapy for almost a year now to talk about all of these fears. I remember one night Anne and I were talking about the making of this blog. She used some words like “it’s my journey” and I lost it.  At that moment, I went from calm to a full-on Kim Kardashian ugly cry, how could she say this is HER journey. Of course, that’s not what she was trying to say, but it just hit me in a way that I felt cut out. Since that day she has been amazing trying to make sure she doesn’t use words like that, since you know, I’m a loose cannon apparently. I am happy to report that there have not been anymore meltdowns.

I haven’t a doubt in my mind that Anne will be an amazing mother. She does an amazing job of taking care of me and all of our fur-babies already, she can handle one more.  Secretly, I have been training her by having her pick after me day after day. She thinks me not picking up my shoes or putting things where they belong is annoying but really, I’m just trying to help her prepare for the future messes. ;)

Perhaps my biggest fear in all of this is one day having to do it without Anne. When we first got started on this journey we had some deep delivery talks and she made me promise to always choose the baby‘s life over hers. While this may be a no brainer for some this was incredibly hard for me. Anne is my complementing other half, what I lack she has. When I think about having to raise a baby without her it scares the shit out of me. Hopefully we don’t have to ever think about this but having a tiny human in Texas has forced us to have these talks.

Anyway, enough of that, what have we been doing since our last blog update you ask?

Anne’s left out a few key events so ill update you!

Middlelands! Oh my! My closest friends know there are 3 things I really truly love in this world, Anne, Star Wars, and Alison Wonderland.  I had been begging Anne for months and months to take me to go see Alison at the Middlelands Music Festival here in Texas. I bugged her almost every day I was almost certain she was going to look up the return policy on me. Alas, being the amazing wife she is she surprised me one night in bed with tickets! We headed out to Houston and braved that Texas humidity so I can see my girl. Anne was very patient with me and waited a good four plus hours in the same spot so we could be in the second row for Alison’s set. Easily the best night of my life. I cried, I sang and I danced all night long. Sadly Texas feels like the festival was “too loud” and Middlelands may not be returning, so I’m lucky I was able to attend. Thanks again love!

My parents celebrated their 30th Anniversary! All of us kids got together and threw them a party at the local park. It was great to see all their friends from over the years come out to celebrate their love, some I haven't seen since I was in diapers. I can only hope that I am lucky enough to be celebrating like this one day.

My first nephew graduated high school! Yeah, I’m old, I graduated in 2007 and CJ graduated in 2017 that’s pretty cool though. Congrats CJ, we are both so proud of you!

Anne was finally able to cash in one of her birthday gifts, tickets to Harry Potter symphony. We went shopping and got her this really cute Harry Potter dress, got all dressed up and headed down to the majestic. The show was amazing, Anne cried a lot, I teared up a little. I love being able to take you out, it’s my favorite thing!

Tiny human update:

Not much here but…..

Why hasn’t the doctor called us back?! I’m just remembering I called them and they haven’t gotten back to us!

I think that’s all I have for now. Thanks for listening to me ramble on. Life for me if pretty hectic if it’s not the end of the month it’s the beginning. If you guys are wondering, yes, I finally did call my Mom. Sorry Mom- I get so busy I need to be better I know, but I do love you.

May the force be with you all.

Honey!