National Coming Out Day!

One afternoon my girlfriend and I were home making out in my room. My mom came home sooner than we anticipated she would, and we didn't hear her walk in. From one moment to the next she was yelling at me from the other room to come speak to her in the kitchen. I remember, very distinctly, what she was wearing, the look on her face, the tone in her voice and the way the light hit her as she demanded that I admit that I was gay. She was angry and confused and couldn't have handled it worse.

She had always told me that she would love me, no matter what. But at this moment, she stood before me, demanding me to confess something that I wasn't even sure of myself at the time. Everything was so new to me, I was still trying to figure things out... but she said I had to choose, her or my girlfriend. The choice was easy. She made it easy. 

With tears in my eyes, I walked away, packed my things and moved out. The way I saw it, I was not choosing my girlfriend over my mother. My mother who had always said that she would "love me no matter what" was now faced with the "no matter what" part of her promise, and she chose to present me with an ultimatum. So- on principle, I left. 

My girlfriends mom was not approving either, so we were stuck. That night we slept in my car because we didn't know where to go. No one knew about me, I didn't know about me... but I knew that I felt more me that I ever had before. I knew that I loved Crystal and how she accepted me at my most vulnerable time in life. She helped me grow and love the person I truly was. She was both patient with me and made me brave at the same time. And right at this moment, I felt so betrayed by the one person who was never supposed to betray me.

The next morning we went to Crystal's house and her mom took me in. We lived there for two weeks and then got our own place. Thus began my first serious relationship. To me- this only counts as partial coming out story. I lived with my girlfriend, but to the rest of the world she was only my roommate. Little by little I would come out to people I trusted. And little by little my relationship with my mom began to heal. 

It has taken years and years but my mom has come around. There are some who have always known and it never made a difference. My sister has truly been at my side through the whole thing. However, there are members of my family who still refuse to acknowledge this part of me. I am 30 years old, married to an amazing woman and trying to have a baby- and still they ignore this part of me. 

In some regards, I have had several coming out stories. I remember coming out to my best friends, I remember coming out at work, I remember coming out to my wife - yes, even she was oblivious. 

 

The point kids, is that everyone's coming out story is different. I'm grateful that my mom raised me to be a person with strong convictions and the strength to stand up for myself, even if at one time it was against her. I love my mom very much and am grateful for all the love and support she continuously provides. I suppose in her own way she has a coming out story of what it was like for her. Maybe we can get her to be a guest blogger. *hint, hint - mom*

Xoxo, Anne